Five reasons to love and hate the Hummer H2

Contents of the material

When the Hummer Gets Hummin’ (You Better Warn Your Household)

Of course, I couldn’t write a thorough Hummer 2.0 BJ machine review without mentioning everything that it’s lacking. Given that it’s a pricey machine, it doesn’t have many drawbacks, but, as always, it’s not perfect.

First of all, it’s super noisy. There’s nothing stealthy about Hummer 2.0. It’s huge, noticeable, and it makes as much noise as a sex toy equivalent of a power tool. Therefore, it’s not something that you can use without people noticing.

Furthermore, for such a price male sex toy, it’s kind of disappointing to see that the inner sleeve is TPE. Sure, it’s softer and more supple than silicone, but it’s not as body-safe.

Finally, you poor schmucks who are packing monsters in your trousers will find the Hummer 2.0 more than a bit tight. The sleeve is stretchy and has plenty of room for an above-average penis. However, let’s say you’re packing a 12-incher. Let’s also assume you want something that will swallow you to the hilt. In that case, Hummer 2.0 will slightly disappoint you. But then again, let’s be completely honest. If you’re a 12-inchers, you’re not really stuffing your beaver basher all the way to your short and curlies anywhere, are you now? So, is this really a design flaw or a not-so-hard problem you have to live with?


Weight is four tons, muddy tires, headlights don’t shine, the tidy doesn’t work (that is, at all), directional stability is nonexistent (due to the tires), for some reason the wipers park at half their amplitude, i.e. in the middle of the windshield, like a log in the eye.

Ice, fog.

In general, it took a long time to travel. Traffic cops don’t ask for documents, there are only two questions: how much does he eat and how much did he get? In Tatarstan they even asked to sit, turn the steering wheel, press the horn… That the children are small, honestly.

After which they wished me neither a nail nor a rod) and let me go in peace without checking my documents. But I don’t have a category “C” license; it will appear only in February) I came home tired, but happy. The car senses the owner and no words of pragmatists will dissuade me. These cars have soul, period.

I don’t understand how you can bring a car to this state. The outer handles of the rear doors are broken, the inner door trims are completely destroyed, the automatic transmission selector is rewound with electrical tape. Tidy is in a complete coma.

The original Mayfun was torn out along with the amp and some kind of remake was installed. It sticks out from the panel by a centimeter, showing its indecent nudity… The stove is strainingly humming with a fan, but the interior is thick, the windows are already freezing, and this is with a mileage of 130,000 km.

The Tahoe had more mileage. Yes, the dog is with him, of course. The main components are in good working order, the body and paintwork are almost flawless, everything else will be done and repaired. On the way home, the ABS started working, apparently the left front sensor was spinning my head.

Why him? Yes, because it always fails first. It’s difficult to name the reason, I’m just saying based on experience. Together with ABS, TRS systems also started working. But the sensor will need to be replaced.

Well, what can I say about the car… At the rear there is a continuous axle, springs, and Panhard rods. At the front there is a gearbox with grenades, a double wishbone suspension with torsion bars. Steering: gearbox, trapezoid. In a word, everything is the same as in Takh. It differs only in the all-wheel drive system, here it is full time 4WD.

Hummer H2 is a large, brutal SUV, easy to drive (for its weight), with a huge interior (more than in the Tahoe by ten centimeters in width), with good visibility (panoramic mirrors are just a song), with locomotive traction at the bottom (six-liter power the unit allows the driver some liberties)) Comfortable to a fault, powerful, but very obedient, like a tame elephant)) Handsome as a man, and it seems to me that he knows it))

You can feel the imperial scale in everything: in size, in engine capacity, in the comfort of the seats, and in appearance. A car for people accustomed to a good quality of life. Permanent all-wheel drive with the ability to lock the rear and center differentials, as well as short and high overhangs, allow you to feel confident not only on the road, but also off it.

The three-hundred-and-twenty-horsepower engine makes you forget that there are four tons underneath you. Huge doorways, comfortable heated seats, excellent sound insulation, high ceiling, mirrors with a parking function, a bunch of glove compartments and all kinds of drawers, separate climate control, a light steering wheel and an easy to read dashboard create a certain atmosphere, some kind of little world that or in which you want to stay as long as possible. This car does not leave anyone indifferent. To be honest, I’m just moving away from him))) And not only me, but all my friends))

Loan for a new car

pick up

The next day after returning to my native Tankograd, the cabin filter, clogged with trash, was replaced (it was available in my store). After which the stove began to work like an open-hearth)

The dashboard was repaired, with the preventive replacement of all the light bulbs (oh, miracle, I now know how much fuel is in the tank!) Bilens were ordered from China, a dash kit and chrome package from America, rear shock absorbers were purchased (RUB 4,600 per pair) and All fluids for replacement in all components and assemblies have been purchased. So to be continued.